My doctor gave me a strong laxative. Now I'm sitting pretty!

My wife has stopped taking tranquilizers. She was starting to be nice to people she didn't even want to talk with.

A doctor met a patient in the hall. Wanting to know if the patient was on his way to therapy, the doctor asked, "Are you coming or going?"
The patient responded, "If I knew that, I wouldn't be here!"

A patient said to his wife, "I'd like to have a watch that tells me time."
The wife said, "Don't you have a watch that tells time?"
"No," said the patient. "I have to look at it!"

A patient at the sanitarium said, "I'm not feeling like myself today."
The other patient said, "Well that makes four of us!"

I was out with a nurse last night.
Well, if you behaved, maybe they'd let you out without one!

I know a nurse that is so efficient, she can make the patient without disturbing the bed.

A practical nurse is one who marries a wealthy patient.

They nicknamed one nurse "Appendix" because every doctor wanted to take her out.

The person who created the "SLOW" signs around hospitals must have gotten the idea when he rang for a nurse.

A patient told his therapist, "I feel like a new man."
The therapist said, "Well, can this new man afford me?"

"Doctor, I can't stop behaving like a dog."
"How long have you been acting this way?"
"Since I was a puppy!"

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the light bulb has to want to change.
- From: Milton Berle's Private Joke File